Emotional vampires. Narcissists who blame others. Projectors. Hiders from conflict. Those who triangulate their own situations to dilute responsibility. Drama Queens. Ergh! Out vile spot! Get. Away.
Are you one, all or none?
Most of us may have dipped in and out of theses types throughout our lives. I certainly have. What I find now is that if I can take full responsibility for myself, my actions and intentions, then I can sit more comfortably in the world. What does that mean? It means being more authentic. It means shedding the shit and getting real. How?
1. Work to solve things
I try to teach my kids to stop unravelling when a problem strikes. It’s about stopping and acknowledging what you’re dealing with, seeing what isn’t working and coming up with real alternatives, that you can TRY, to see if it helps you move out of your problem, crisis or dilemma.
2. Don’t spread your angst far and wide
Telling as many people as you can find about your problem is not going to solve your problem. Yes, you may get some good advice or a different perspective (if you do, for heaven’s sake use it) but spend your energy dealing with changing your outcome not pummeling people with your issues. Better for you and better for them.
3. Let go of what you can’t control
It’s pretty simple – you only have control over what you do. Not rocket science. You can’t control what others think or feel so ignore it, go around it, move away from it or just let it go. Life gets a lot simpler when you can allow things to wash over you.
4. Be honest in life
There are a few things here. You can admit when you’re wrong. You can take responsibility for your actions. You can work to correct a situation you helped to cause. You can say sorry, and mean it. You can also forgive, wholly, and let it go. You can grow a spine.
5. Back yourself
Most of all, you need to support yourself. No one knows you as well as you do, even if you think you’ve made a mess of life, only you know what makes you tick. Don’t be talked out of something you firmly believe in. Follow your instincts and go to the heart of things to feel what is right for you. Don’t self-talk yourself into something you know doesn’t sit well in your world. Learn to walk away from the people and things that don’t respect and support you. Stick with people who build your self-esteem and provide you with love. Be kind to yourself.